You may be lying to yourself or others about what you actually want.

Marriage is about giving. You must be willing to "go first" in showing care and support without immediate reciprocation.

Demanding specific physical traits (like height) is often a way to avoid real intimacy.

Behaviors like guilt-tripping or "teaching him a lesson" destroy trust.

In her book Tracy McMillan provides a "straight talk" guide designed to help women identify internal blind spots that may be preventing them from securing a committed relationship. The core premise is that marriage is less about "finding" the right person and more about "becoming" the person who can sustain a partnership. The Solid Guide: 6 Core Shifts Based on McMillan's insights,

Be upfront about your desire for marriage. Stop "playing along" with casual arrangements if you want a lifetime commitment.

Stop "playing house" or living in a fantasy mode.

McMillan argues that many women use defensiveness or anger as a shield.